Very Demure, Very Mindful: Explaining TikTok’s Phrase of the Month

“You see how I do my makeup for work? Very demure. Very mindful.”

When beauty influencer Jools Lebron posted a TikTok about how to be respectful in the workplace, she called it a reality check for divas who were “[doing] too much” at their nine-to-fives. “I don’t come to work with a green-cut crease. I don’t look like a clown when I go to work. I don’t do too much. I’m very mindful while I’m at work. You see how I look very presentable? The way I came to the interview is the way I go to the job,” the Chicago-based creator said. “A lot of you girls go to the interview looking like Marge Simpson and go to the job looking like Patty and Selma. Not demure. I’m very modest. I’m very mindful.” 

The clip is expected fare from Lebron, who is best known for posting both cosmetics reviews and sharp commentary on her life as a plus-sized trans woman to her 1.3 million followers. But in less than a week, her video has gone from a humorous take on respectability to the phrase of the moment.

While demure’s definition often involves modesty, piety, or being reserved, Lebron’s version of demure is about being cutesy, respectable, and chill. Lebron’s video has over 10 million views, and close to 100,000 likes — which doesn’t include the over 4,000 videos that have been made off her original sound. According to Spotify, the music streaming app, playlists using the word demure have increased by over 2,500 percent in the United States, featuring songs by artists like Lana Del Rey, Mitski, Billie Eilish, and SZA. People are being very demure at the gym, eating sandwiches demurely, and being very demure about sunscreen protection. Like the eras before it, demure has firmly entered into the summer’s TikTok lexicon, alongside hawk tua and the omnipresent brat summer. There’s even notable drama over who created the trend first. 

But like most internet trends, the rise of demure hasn’t come without drama. Popular trans creators Selyna Brillare and Devin Halbal have also posted videos encouraging people to be demure, both of which used the specific word but had none of the reach of Lebron’s TikTok. But the resurgence of the trend, specifically Lebron’s newfound attention, has led to some infighting on TikTok. Brillare posted several now-deleted videos on TikTok claiming she created the trend first and wanted credit. In an Instagram Live, Brillare went further to say Lebron was “getting her bag” — just trying to make money — and hadn’t given her proper credit. When asked for comment by Rolling Stone, Brillare said, “I’m very glad everyone is enjoying the trend. It warms my heart to see so many people coming together and be creative.” Halbal, another trans creator, encouraged people to “keep it demure” and follow Lebron. (In a later TikTok comment, Lebron told a follower that Halbal had reached out to her to “give her love.” Halbal did not immediately respond to Rolling Stone‘s request for comment.) 

Lebron’s answer throughout the drama has been simple: She plans on keeping it demure. “Earlier I fed into drama. Not demure of me,” she said in a TikTok. “Let’s be mindful before someone feeds drama to us.” In another video, Lebron pointed out that trans people of color originated many popular catchphrases, which means the best way to honor the trend is by acknowledging the work of queer trailblazers in popular culture. “Being demure is thanking the people who have come before you, while you pave the way for the people who will come after you,” Lebron said. “And that’s being demure, divas.” (Lebron did not respond to Rolling Stone’s request for comment.) 

Since popularizing demure, Lebron seems determined to prove that demure isn’t a one-off trend — it’s a mindset. The terms have already migrated to other social media apps like X (formerly Twitter). It’s been the soundtrack of a presidential candidate Kamala Harris fan video with 6.7 million views. It’s even gotten the stamp of approval from Miss Brat Summer herself, Charli XCX: The singer posted one of Lebron’s TikToks on her Instagram story. And Lebron has taken the demure agenda to heart, sharing dozens more videos explaining how to be demure in a variety of settings, including the airport, hotels, in line for doughnuts, and at drag shows. “The gag is, there have been so many demure divas who have come before me,” Lebron said, explaining demure for the people in her comments section. “Demure is just a way of life for the girls, for the dolls like me.”