Vice presidential hopeful JD Vance would like to be having a brat summer, but he is instead facing accusations of pushin’ the cushions of an unfortunate sofa.
Social media has been inundated with jokes and memes suggesting Vance once pleasured himself between two couch cushions.
What goes on between a man and his couch is between him, God, and whatever sexy sectional he chooses to victimize. While we can’t definitively state that Donald Trump’s running mate has never engaged in some furniture fornication, the viral allegation that Vance wrote about having sex with a couch in his 2016 memoir Hillbilly Elegy is false.
On July 15, the day the Ohio senator was confirmed as Trump’s 2024 running mate, X (formerly Twitter) user @rickrudescalves wrote that they “can’t say for sure but [Vance] might be the first vp pick to have admitted in a ny times bestseller to f***ing an inside-out latex glove shoved between two couch cushions (vance, hillbilly elegy, pp. 179-181).”
While Vance’s memoir contained plenty of gross generalizations about blue-collar, working-class Appalachians, he did not actually describe a sexual tryst with a hapless piece of upholstery.
Regardless, the claim took off with a vengeance.
Things escalated on Thursday when the Associated Press posted, then deleted, an article fact-checking the allegation. The piece was headlined: “No, JD Vance Did Not Have Sex With a Couch.” A spokesperson for the AP told Semafor that the story had been retracted because it hadn’t gone through the standard editing process at the wire service, and that the Associated Press was investigating how it made it to publication.
While the couch-sex debacle is silly, it’s not helping Vance recover from a series of early campaign stumbles. Earlier this week, the senator was widely mocked for awkwardly joking that Democrats will accuse anything of being racist. “I had a diet Mountain Dew yesterday and one today and I’m sure they’re going to call that racist, too,” he said at a rally on Monday.
The cringey attempt at humor has also found its way into couch-related content:
Vance was also widely criticized after a 2021 interview with Tucker Carlson in which he attacked Kamala Harris as a “miserable cat lady” whose lack of biological children made her unfit to serve in elected office. Vance’s past comments about abortion and Trump have also been widely circulated.
The comments about Harris, in particular, were met with widespread backlash by voters, commentators, and social media users who not only pointed out that Harris has two stepchildren but that attacking childless Americans — whatever their reasons for not reproducing — as inferior was a perilous message for a party already struggling to with the issue of reproductive rights and freedoms.
Again, we don’t know if Vance actually enjoys pushin’ the cushions, but if his concern is that the country needs to produce more children, that’s definitely not how they’re made.
Courtesy of Sam Reich
Supporters of James Talarico cheer as they watch midterm election returns during a watch party at the Long Center for the Performing Arts Nov. 3, 2026 in Austin, Texas.
America Slammed the Door on Trump. Now the Hard Work Begins
The American people have spoken, and to paraphrase Dean Wormer of Animal House fame: Lazy, stupid, and corrupt is no way to go through life, let alone run a country. The repudiation of Donald Trump and his MAGA movement was seismic and inevitable.
The gravitational laws of politics held true, and Trump’s star crashed and burned. The thrill for MAGA is gone, at least for the moment. You simply can’t keep telling people that they are winning all the time when they feel like they are losing. Counting on the American people to once again believe you over their own lying eyes is a trick play you can only run so much. Just ask Joe Biden.
The poisonous combination of an unpopular and unnecessary war, horrible candidates, rising costs, a lousy job market, soaring gasoline prices, masked police hunting immigrants, sweeping and naked corruption, and a president more focused on ballrooms and algae blooms than on the American people all spelled electoral doom. The election results were a clear and thoroughly well-deserved ass-kicking.
Historic GOP losses in Kansas, South Carolina, Iowa, and Texas mean the Trump lame-duck era has begun. How soon will the GOP start the painful process of moving on from his stranglehold? His complete capture of the party will make the breakup difficult. And he’s not going to let them go easy. The infighting and battles for leadership will likely be vicious, but hopefully they will be about ideas. In a two-party system, having one party this radical and beholden to one person’s cult of personality has been toxic for our politics.
A perfect example of the sort of poisonous viper from the era, MAGA diehard and presidential confidante Laura Loomer took to X last night to say, “America is over. The communist and jihadists are going to open our borders and replace our votes with votes from illegal aliens. We now have reps who openly speak about their hatred of America…” It was just this sort of culture war BS from Loomer or Secretary of Defense Pete Hegseth (“no weirdos, beardos,” etc.) that voters grew tired of — when gas is over $4 a gallon these weak attempts at insults cease to distract. Owning the libs feels hollow when you are weighing whether to fill up the tank or buy eggs.The donor class might as well have lit a dump truck filled with cash on fire. How will Elon Musk, who spent over a whopping $450 million on the election, swallow this most bitter pill? Will he blame the president for his failures as a leader and withdraw support? Where do you even go once you have gone full MAGA?
On the other side, the Democrats set some historic and impressive firsts: first Black Speaker of the House, first openly gay man to be senator, first Black woman governor, first Native-American woman governor, first Muslim senator. These victories are truly inspiring, with more potentially on the way as votes continue to be counted (the first Black senator from Mississippi since Reconstruction seems a real possibility). The Dems have to keep growing the tent; it’s their greatest strength.
That said, now comes the hard part. The Democrats’ principal work must be to restore the country to a state of normalcy. Show voters you are fighting for them every day — stop trying to get on cable TV to grandstand about Trump and protecting democracy. The Democrats need to focus on voters’ real needs, reject the endless culture wars, and remind people that the Democrats were the party of working people for decades. Right now, folks desperately need jobs, lower prices on food and shelter, and healthcare.
Throughout his career, Sherrod Brown, returning to the Senate in Ohio after two years away, has been a messenger for working America in Washington. He represents a Rust Belt state that felt the full brunt of job losses from NAFTA and endured the opioid crisis. Dems should follow his lead to find their footing. Hold Trump accountable but don’t forget the voters back home who need help, and need it fast.
This is a huge reason for last night’s historic rebuke of Trump: He abandoned everyday Americans to focus on triumphal arches designed to honor himself. Democrats need to remember the lesson the American people just sent — being a people’s representative is not about party, it’s about service.
As Trump likes to say: Thank you for your attention to this matter.